The Secret Vow

 He left her there, standing alone on the sidewalk, tears flooding her eyes. She wasn't sure what hurt most at that moment, watching him walk away from her or realizing that the one man she cared most for thought nothing of her. She slowly walked back to her home with her head hung low,tears streaming from her burning eyes onto the frigid sidewalk, her sobs falling silent on the eerily chilled summer air. The wind blew hard against her side, making her as numb physically  as she was emotionally. He had never cared, she was nothing to him, he didn't even think twice, he just walked away from her and didn't look back, it was like she was never there in the first place. She had fooled herself into thinking that she had somehow mattered to him. But now, she could see clearly, in the long mirror that hung on a wall in her half lit room. She could see the pitiful crying girl that she really was, weak. At that moment, in the darkness of her empty room with the wind thrashing against the window panes, she made a vow to herself, "I will never care again"...

Guardian Angel

In moments of insecurity,
I lock my soul into my inner self,
I hide from the outside world,
With all it's expectations.
My smile says one thing,
But my reflection screams the truth.
I curl up and stow away,
From all the impurity.

Who can see the girl who cries,
Inside of my inner darkness?
Who can hear the girl who cries,
In the bathroom stall silently as people pass her by?
No one...
Will ever be there,
For the lonely and desperate soul,
That cries out fearfully,
Laying on the cold desolate floors,
Of a heart that was never whole.

I lay here,
Waiting for my guardian angel,
To wrap me in his wings of rapture,
To protect me from the anguish of the world,
To replace my frigid tears with ardent smiles,
To be there for me when no one else will stand by my side,
For he is my path to truly living.

Undecipherable

I wish
I could tell him
Her
Someone
Anyone
Who will listen
No one
Seems to see me screaming
For help
Internally as I cut myself
Down
Away from my ambitions
My hopes
Are gone
Forever
I will remain
Undecipherable.

Weight of life

Its to much.
I can bare it no longer,
I feel the weight with all of its force.
My lungs collapsing ,
the air scarce,
and slowly my life seeps away into the opaque night.
Tears slowly begin to run down my face,
Flooding the cold and desolate floor,
That cradles my spiritless corpse.

Sitting in All My Insecurity

Sitting here in all my insecurity ,
Trembling,
Shaking,
Wishing and praying,
That maybe,
If I close my eyes,
Everything will go away,
All the unknown people,
And the fear.
But when I open my eyes,
Everyone is still there,
Along with the fear of being alone,
Legs still shaking underneath the tiny desktop.
My haunted feelings lingering in the air around me,
still sitting here,
In all my insecurity .

Waiting For You

I will wait for that one,

that one who will love me.

The one who will choose me,

over everyone else.

For that one,

who will look past my flaws,

my imperfections,

my lack of beauty,

and see my spirit that so longs to be held.

For that one,

who will receive my heart with open palms,

because I am willing to give it,

Without a second though.
For that one,
Who will care for me,
and lead me out of my dark loneliness.

For that one,
Who I can tell everything,
Without fear of judgement or ridicule,
Who will listen with open ears.

For that one,
Who will wipe away my tears,
And hold me close,
Who will kiss me when I need them most.

For the one,
I've not met yet,
But know God has made for me,
So that I do not walk the narrow path alone

Run Away

She wishes she could be like them, but she knows she can't. She lacks both beauty, brains, and talent, all the things she wish she had, to win his heart. Never will she be their equal, never will she feel good enough, never will she like the woman who stares back at her in the mirror. So she run's away in the early morning, and escapes her wretched room. She goes not far, but far enough to be alone. Hours pass and she grows more and more depressed, but why? Running away should have made her happy, she wanted her escape and here it was. However, in the corner of the dark abandoned classroom, in the last seat against the chalk board that runs around the room, she cries. She finally realizes that all she wanted was for someone to come after her, for him to come after her, but no one will, because no one ever comes.

Forever Not Seen

There is a girl who sits all alone in the darkness, she is afraid of what lurks in the shadows. She sits there in her corner, crying, over everything that is, was, and will never be. Her hopes and dreams crushed by reality at such a young age. Desperately wishing to be found,to be seen, or to be loved, but she wont. She will forever be trapped in her tiny opaque corner alone, unsheltered, cold, and invisible to the world.

Without a Soul

In this constant state of sorrow,
my heart doth wallow.
Alone,
Afraid,
of things that will never be.
Teaming,
are these feelings that wish to be free.

Destined to be alone forever and always.
Just a pitiful melancholy being,
searching for a  soul,
a spirit,
that use to be,
my true self,
but I find nothing,
and have to live out a lie,
For the rest of my life.

Not knowing who stares back,
when I peer into a mirror.
Memories that almost seem stolen,
out of place,
in the opaque and mysterious corners,
inside the labyrinth that is my mind.

Thin Air

I hate everyone,
I wish they would all just disappear,
Evaporate into thin air.
I just want to be alone,
Where no one can hurt me.
Where I can do nothing else wrong.
Where I wont disappoint anyone,
Because there is no one to disappoint.
No reason to feel left out,
Because I'm all there is.
No boy to break my heart,
Because there is no one to love.
No mistakes,
Because there is nothing to mess up.

In that case,
Maybe I don't want everyone to evaporate,
Maybe I don't want them to disappear
And maybe I don't hate them....

I only hate me,
I want to disappear.
I just want to evaporate...
Into thin air.

Stranded in Self Sorrow

Pain so real,
Heart ache so deep,
Nothing can suppress it
No one can stop it.
Residing in the remnants of my soul,
Never to feel love or joy,
Only to mimick what i observe.
Nothing truly mine,
Just a collection of other people,
Unsure of what to feel.

Told them of all my pain.
But sympathy lasts for merely a day
And then im forgotten.
All my pain and anguish,
Sins and forbidden thoughts,
Gone and washed from their memories.
Life goes on and im still stranded,
On my own island of misery and despair.
Broken heart and soul,
No rescue and sight,
Left here to die.

Fatal End

There once lived a girl,
who cried in secret,
she felt she was bound.
Afraid that in her secrets she would drown,
No one really knew,
Nothing they thought was true.
So she continued to lie,
Wanting nothing more than to die,
Or so she thought.
What she really wished for,
Was for someone to open the door,
To look deep and see,
the girl that lie underneath.
But no one ever saw,
They just believed her to be without a flaw.
No one cared to look past a single lie,
So in her own blood she lay alone and die.

The Real Me

She lies in the opaque corners of her mind,
Surrounded by her fears,
Swallowed up by loneliness,
And the darkness of her own pain.
Cold tears that sting with every drop
Run down her warm russet cheeks.
Alone in the shadows,
Where no one can see,
Is the girl that I use to be,
The girl I still am,
The girl that is ...
Me.

Seeing Everything

Drown it out,
The world from outside.
Feel......numb
To everything.
No thoughts,
No feelings,
Just....numb.
Mind wandering Nowhere,
Aimlessly,
But not searching.
Just....wandering.
Alone, but wanting to be.
Let no one in,
No one.
Breathing slowly,
Feeling it flow in and out,
In a rhythm,
Calm...serine.
Eyes closed,
Darkness all around,
Seeing nothing,
But yet....
Seeing it all.

Misspelling

Cold and alone under the sheets,
curled up to escape from the outside world,
no more faking for today,
no smiles,
no laughs,
just tears, heartache, and solitude.
Lie here listening to the outside world go on without me,
not a beat skipped,
wasn't a note to begin with,
just an insignificant dot on the bottom of the page,
a misspelling that cant be erased,
just tolerated and read over.
A simple mistake.

Unrequited

Love doth start sweet and in the light,

Both blissful and youthful.

However, time brings with it opaque tribulations,

Shadowing the once radiant light,

Rendering love in the haunting shadows of regret.

Remorse for loving a soul that returns nothing back.

A love so deep residing in a now hallow heart,

Refusing to let go of whats not there,

Refusing to love another soul,
Even through the sharp stinging of the pain.

The heart yearns for an unrequited love,

Never to be returned,

Never to see light,

Never to be whole again.

The heart beats in the chest,
But it doth also beat in the mind.

Though the mind wills itself to move on ,

It can not fight the steady beat of the heart.

Searching for one with a heart of the same rhythm,
A soul that shares the same dance.
As the chest rises and falls,
Air goes in, but hope floods out.
Tears that hath a chill far greater than ice,
Doth flow from burning eyes,
Into pillows that embrace screams silent to the world.

Light of Truth

Silent tears,
And unheard cries
Unveiling the truth of what's inside.
Anger, fear, and pent up frustration,
Hidden beneath a radiant smile.
Pain and scars not visible with light.
Only in darkness is the truth revealed.

Existing

What is existing...
Is it living with meaning,
Having a purpose,
Or is it just breathing.
I feel as if my spirit is fleeting,
and all that's left is this empty vessel that I call a body.
Releasing carbon dioxide is the only thing that I do for the earth.
Just a waste of oxygen,
A pollution to the earth.
I feel as though I don' t exist.
The warm river that flows down my face is my only way of knowing,
I'm alive.

Maybe

Just one word from you changes my day,
To hear your voice,
To hear your name.
My soul light up and shines like the moon,
Just hoping,
Just praying you feel the same way that I do.
That you look at me the way I look at you.
Sharing the same thoughts,
Sharing the same dreams.
Wishing and praying that the other won’t leave.
Or maybe...

Maybe it’s just me,
Like it’s always been.
On a one way street in,
Trying to find my way out.
Alone in the darkness of my own shadow,
Or maybe..

Maybe I am the shadow.
The shadow that lives in the darkness but still looks for the light.
Trying and reaching,
But no exit in sight.
There is no way out,
Just a way in.
So please come save me,
And show me the light again

Silent Tears of Truth

Tears as warm as the rays from the sun,
Flow down her youthful cheeks like the Nile.
Her body as cold as a cadaver.
Her soul and spirit fleeting from her slowly every second.
Every minute that goes by she becomes more empty,
Every hour more fearful,
Everyday more lonely.
Like the only needle in a haystack,
or the last leaf left on the tree after all the rest have parted,
just before the harsh cold wind of the winter.

She is not fully present when she walks,
Starring at the ground,
Because it’s the only world she knows.
She has mastered that perfect fake smile,
That radiates so brightly no one would second guess.
But she can't make eye contact,
for people would believe her less.

At the end of the day,
When the sun goes to rest on the horizon,
and the moon and stars dance upon the sky,
She cries silent tears of truth.