Weight of life

Its to much.
I can bare it no longer,
I feel the weight with all of its force.
My lungs collapsing ,
the air scarce,
and slowly my life seeps away into the opaque night.
Tears slowly begin to run down my face,
Flooding the cold and desolate floor,
That cradles my spiritless corpse.

My Secret Wish

I wish I could stop this,
These feelings I have for you.                      
They are unrequited,
I know, but still...
My heart speeds up,
Every time I hear your voice,
And stops when I see you.
When you are near me ,
I try to take in your scent,
So that even when you leave,
At least it's still there,
Lingering lightly in the air.

I'm sorry,
That I can't be that person you adore,
That person whom your heart beats for,
That person you go to when you're in need,
Who's presence makes your spirit feel at ease.
I wish I could be the one you wished to be with,
I wish that you would let me into your closely guarded heart.
But I'm not,
I'm not that person,
And I know I never will be,
But I tell myself it's okay, because,
Just for a few minutes I can pretend,
That maybe that person you need is me.

Even though it hurts,
When you talk about other people,
I will always be by your side,
Crying silently on the inside,
Because, I still secretly hope that one day,
You will see me.

Sitting in All My Insecurity

Sitting here in all my insecurity ,
Trembling,
Shaking,
Wishing and praying,
That maybe,
If I close my eyes,
Everything will go away,
All the unknown people,
And the fear.
But when I open my eyes,
Everyone is still there,
Along with the fear of being alone,
Legs still shaking underneath the tiny desktop.
My haunted feelings lingering in the air around me,
still sitting here,
In all my insecurity .

Melody of My Escape

I feel as if i'm flying,
Each beat taking me further and further away from reality,
The heart ache,
And the sorrow of life.
Each note falling softly on my ears,
Beckoning me into another world,
One where the trees touch the sky,
And the air is wet with fresh rain.
The sound of  birds humming ,
And the croaking of frogs are off in the distance.
The ground is damp from the early morning rain,
And sinks slightly beneath my feet.
The sun sparkles through the tops of the trees,
Creating a glow about the forest.
Rain drops still falling from the leaves of the branches,
Gently dripping upon my temperate skin.
The smell of fresh air and dew fill my lungs,
And I exhale on the final note.

Waiting For You

I will wait for that one,

that one who will love me.

The one who will choose me,

over everyone else.

For that one,

who will look past my flaws,

my imperfections,

my lack of beauty,

and see my spirit that so longs to be held.

For that one,

who will receive my heart with open palms,

because I am willing to give it,

Without a second though.
For that one,
Who will care for me,
and lead me out of my dark loneliness.

For that one,
Who I can tell everything,
Without fear of judgement or ridicule,
Who will listen with open ears.

For that one,
Who will wipe away my tears,
And hold me close,
Who will kiss me when I need them most.

For the one,
I've not met yet,
But know God has made for me,
So that I do not walk the narrow path alone

Run Away

She wishes she could be like them, but she knows she can't. She lacks both beauty, brains, and talent, all the things she wish she had, to win his heart. Never will she be their equal, never will she feel good enough, never will she like the woman who stares back at her in the mirror. So she run's away in the early morning, and escapes her wretched room. She goes not far, but far enough to be alone. Hours pass and she grows more and more depressed, but why? Running away should have made her happy, she wanted her escape and here it was. However, in the corner of the dark abandoned classroom, in the last seat against the chalk board that runs around the room, she cries. She finally realizes that all she wanted was for someone to come after her, for him to come after her, but no one will, because no one ever comes.

Forever Not Seen

There is a girl who sits all alone in the darkness, she is afraid of what lurks in the shadows. She sits there in her corner, crying, over everything that is, was, and will never be. Her hopes and dreams crushed by reality at such a young age. Desperately wishing to be found,to be seen, or to be loved, but she wont. She will forever be trapped in her tiny opaque corner alone, unsheltered, cold, and invisible to the world.

Lost on a Path of Darkness and Pain

There is this strange feeling in my soul.
It shows up every so often,
and I begin to feel like a fool.

These people I call friends,
with them I don't quite fit in.
I pretend and I try,
but the truth is that my life is a complete lie.
I don't know who I am,
all I know is where I've been.

Down the path of darkness and pain,
stuck at a fork in the road.
Not sure of where to go.
I'm lost and I'm scared.
I just want to scream out loud,
and let my pain shatter the stale chilled air.
But I don't know what to do,
I'm lost and confused.
I'm just waiting for that light
to save me,
show me a new life.

Without a Soul

In this constant state of sorrow,
my heart doth wallow.
Alone,
Afraid,
of things that will never be.
Teaming,
are these feelings that wish to be free.

Destined to be alone forever and always.
Just a pitiful melancholy being,
searching for a  soul,
a spirit,
that use to be,
my true self,
but I find nothing,
and have to live out a lie,
For the rest of my life.

Not knowing who stares back,
when I peer into a mirror.
Memories that almost seem stolen,
out of place,
in the opaque and mysterious corners,
inside the labyrinth that is my mind.

Thin Air

I hate everyone,
I wish they would all just disappear,
Evaporate into thin air.
I just want to be alone,
Where no one can hurt me.
Where I can do nothing else wrong.
Where I wont disappoint anyone,
Because there is no one to disappoint.
No reason to feel left out,
Because I'm all there is.
No boy to break my heart,
Because there is no one to love.
No mistakes,
Because there is nothing to mess up.

In that case,
Maybe I don't want everyone to evaporate,
Maybe I don't want them to disappear
And maybe I don't hate them....

I only hate me,
I want to disappear.
I just want to evaporate...
Into thin air.

Dreaming of Love

When you sit so close to me
My body begins to shake
And i cant control my heart rate.
Rapid and strong,
Trying to leap out of my chest.

How warm is the touch of your leg against mine
How I secretly pray that your hand reaches for mine
Fantasies of your love take me away from reality,
But in the end I come crashing without vitality,
Because love is something i'm cursed to never obtain,
To never attain,
Just to dream of from afar.