Chapbook- Final project Poetry class

 This is the chapbook I created for my poetry class this past semester. It is basically a book of my best poems in the class. I spent quite a bit of time on the layout. I would also like to state that the photos used in the chapbook are not mine, I found them through open resources and no copyrights have been broken. I would also like to point out the copyright on the chap. I hope you all like the book!

-Love Fallen

Between Life and Death

All this pain and hatred built up inside
I cant feel my body,
I'm not even sure I'm still alive.
What is this called then,
This thing that I'm doing?
It cant be living,
But it cant be death.
Numb to the world and all its torment.
Living in the shadows of the darkness,
That swallow my entire being,
Not wanting to fight back.
I just want to be consumed,
At least maybe then i will feel something.

Spirit and Soul

The air is thinning,
I'm suffocating,
Lungs collapsing,
Throat closing,
Gasping for just a few more breaths.
Too much sound,
Its drowning me out,
Can't hear my thoughts,
My beliefs, myself.
My ears are bleeding from the inside out.
Vision is blurring,
My future is black,
Like the darkness that consumes.
Can't see the light,
Can't see the day,
Can't see my reflection
Can't see my dreams.
Surrounded  by the shadows of my thoughts,
Trying to consume me whole,
Spirit and Soul.

Brother

My heart, it cries out,

In agonizing pain,

As it lay faintly beating, 

On the cold dissecting table.

Prodded and Poked,

It knows nothing but pain and scars,

But, though it is my heart that screams for help,

It is my soul that begs for more.

My soul, it lives off of the pain,

Brought by others,

It cries out for more,

Just so it knows what it is like to feel,

Anything,

To live.

But this, 

This is not really living.

This is the border between life and death.

It is death who beckons me,

With his promises of solitude,
An escape from this opaque nightmare.
While life, she glares and she laughs.
With no end of the pain in sight,
I run toward death,
Oh to be embraced in his arms,
But all effort is futile,
For life has bound my heart with a single thread,
Though small and young,
This thread binds my soul to this earth,
If only for eighteen years.

My Silent Wish

I don't want to lie to you,
I want to tell you everything,
I want to reveal all my pain,
I want to say that everything is not okay,
I want to cry instead of laugh,
I want you to be there when everything is crashing down,
I want you to hold me and tell me its alright,
But I cant.
I cant do any of that,
And you will never be there when my world is crushing me,
When I'm suffocating slowly,
Because I know that if I reveal the truth,
I might lose you.

So I keep pretending and laughing,
And for a while,
Everything is fine,

Until the sun goes down and I'm left in the frigid night,
Alone with my tears and sorrow,

Telling myself I deserve this,
That I deserve to be alone,
That its not fair to you,
That I shouldn't burden you too.
That the last thing you need is me.
Even though I know we cant be,
I still feel the same,
So I still have shame.
And out of it I stay quiet,
Hoping one day I wont need to tell you,
That you just look at me and see,
That all I want is to be held.
That all I want is you.

The Secret Vow

 He left her there, standing alone on the sidewalk, tears flooding her eyes. She wasn't sure what hurt most at that moment, watching him walk away from her or realizing that the one man she cared most for thought nothing of her. She slowly walked back to her home with her head hung low,tears streaming from her burning eyes onto the frigid sidewalk, her sobs falling silent on the eerily chilled summer air. The wind blew hard against her side, making her as numb physically  as she was emotionally. He had never cared, she was nothing to him, he didn't even think twice, he just walked away from her and didn't look back, it was like she was never there in the first place. She had fooled herself into thinking that she had somehow mattered to him. But now, she could see clearly, in the long mirror that hung on a wall in her half lit room. She could see the pitiful crying girl that she really was, weak. At that moment, in the darkness of her empty room with the wind thrashing against the window panes, she made a vow to herself, "I will never care again"...

The Lost Boy

It's hard to be happy in a world thats not made for him,
Where there is no place for him,
When he doesn't even know who he really is.
Afraid of the truth,
Because the lies are less painful.
He plays and pretends that everything is alright,
When in reality he cries every night.
He is tired of fitting in,
He just wants to be real,
Even if he loses every friend,
At least he will be the happiest he has ever been.

Crimson

The world, tainted crimson red,
Crimson red from scars,
Scars left behind,
Left behind when i close my eyes,
Close my eyes upon this world,
Upon this would and open them to a new,
A new realm where he resides,
He resides here, my protector,
My protector with opaque wings that reach towards the sky,
The sky that sparkles like a cerulean crystal,
Cerulean and pure like his sorrowful eyes,
Eyes that gaze upon me with longing and ardent love,
Ardent love and the hope to never be apart,
Apart when i awake to this crimson,
This crimson world.

Key of Time

The young female heart flutters with such passion,
Out in the open, with no shield to protect itself,
Wounded in the tormented battle of love.
The will to beat on becomes faint,
As the pain from the open wounds grow ever heavier on the young soul.
Oh how her young spirit yearns for his touch,
But his warmth is felt by another.
The once clear world is now blurred by fervent tears,
Life it self seems as if it would stop
... or pause for a brief moment,
As the wounded heart tries to heal itself.
But what the young girl can't see,
Is the one who stands there waiting,
Wanting to enclose her in his ardent embrace,
To warm her frigid heart,
To mend what has been broken,
And to forever love her with ardor.
But time is a far greater distance than the eye can see,
And with it lies the key to happiness,
The key to passion,
The key to an undying love.

I Use to Believe, But Now I Know

Guardian Angel

In moments of insecurity,
I lock my soul into my inner self,
I hide from the outside world,
With all it's expectations.
My smile says one thing,
But my reflection screams the truth.
I curl up and stow away,
From all the impurity.

Who can see the girl who cries,
Inside of my inner darkness?
Who can hear the girl who cries,
In the bathroom stall silently as people pass her by?
No one...
Will ever be there,
For the lonely and desperate soul,
That cries out fearfully,
Laying on the cold desolate floors,
Of a heart that was never whole.

I lay here,
Waiting for my guardian angel,
To wrap me in his wings of rapture,
To protect me from the anguish of the world,
To replace my frigid tears with ardent smiles,
To be there for me when no one else will stand by my side,
For he is my path to truly living.

Undecipherable

I wish
I could tell him
Her
Someone
Anyone
Who will listen
No one
Seems to see me screaming
For help
Internally as I cut myself
Down
Away from my ambitions
My hopes
Are gone
Forever
I will remain
Undecipherable.

Destiny

What is the destiny of the man who has lost himself,

In the tormented game called life.

Living day in and out shrouded in the opaque shadows of uncertainty.

Seeking an escape from the demons prodding at his soul.

In moments of insecurity,
In the opaque questionings of the mind,
Tempestuous emotions rob the soul of its purity,
Leaving heart ache behind.
Engulfed in thoughts drowned in iniquity.
Torn between the cultivated mind,
And the impulses of fear prodding at the untamed heart.
Logic and religion become entwined,
The soul begins to take itself apart.
Dismantling the innocent heart into minuscule pieces,
The mind loses itself and is uncertain,
The soul begins to fade, until the last breath ceases.
There lies the soulless corpse as they close the curtain,
The internal torment of the mind goes in vain,
For the ending result was the same.

Weight of life

Its to much.
I can bare it no longer,
I feel the weight with all of its force.
My lungs collapsing ,
the air scarce,
and slowly my life seeps away into the opaque night.
Tears slowly begin to run down my face,
Flooding the cold and desolate floor,
That cradles my spiritless corpse.

My Secret Wish

I wish I could stop this,
These feelings I have for you.                      
They are unrequited,
I know, but still...
My heart speeds up,
Every time I hear your voice,
And stops when I see you.
When you are near me ,
I try to take in your scent,
So that even when you leave,
At least it's still there,
Lingering lightly in the air.

I'm sorry,
That I can't be that person you adore,
That person whom your heart beats for,
That person you go to when you're in need,
Who's presence makes your spirit feel at ease.
I wish I could be the one you wished to be with,
I wish that you would let me into your closely guarded heart.
But I'm not,
I'm not that person,
And I know I never will be,
But I tell myself it's okay, because,
Just for a few minutes I can pretend,
That maybe that person you need is me.

Even though it hurts,
When you talk about other people,
I will always be by your side,
Crying silently on the inside,
Because, I still secretly hope that one day,
You will see me.

Sitting in All My Insecurity

Sitting here in all my insecurity ,
Trembling,
Shaking,
Wishing and praying,
That maybe,
If I close my eyes,
Everything will go away,
All the unknown people,
And the fear.
But when I open my eyes,
Everyone is still there,
Along with the fear of being alone,
Legs still shaking underneath the tiny desktop.
My haunted feelings lingering in the air around me,
still sitting here,
In all my insecurity .

Run Away

She wishes she could be like them, but she knows she can't. She lacks both beauty, brains, and talent, all the things she wish she had, to win his heart. Never will she be their equal, never will she feel good enough, never will she like the woman who stares back at her in the mirror. So she run's away in the early morning, and escapes her wretched room. She goes not far, but far enough to be alone. Hours pass and she grows more and more depressed, but why? Running away should have made her happy, she wanted her escape and here it was. However, in the corner of the dark abandoned classroom, in the last seat against the chalk board that runs around the room, she cries. She finally realizes that all she wanted was for someone to come after her, for him to come after her, but no one will, because no one ever comes.

Lost on a Path of Darkness and Pain

There is this strange feeling in my soul.
It shows up every so often,
and I begin to feel like a fool.

These people I call friends,
with them I don't quite fit in.
I pretend and I try,
but the truth is that my life is a complete lie.
I don't know who I am,
all I know is where I've been.

Down the path of darkness and pain,
stuck at a fork in the road.
Not sure of where to go.
I'm lost and I'm scared.
I just want to scream out loud,
and let my pain shatter the stale chilled air.
But I don't know what to do,
I'm lost and confused.
I'm just waiting for that light
to save me,
show me a new life.

Without a Soul

In this constant state of sorrow,
my heart doth wallow.
Alone,
Afraid,
of things that will never be.
Teaming,
are these feelings that wish to be free.

Destined to be alone forever and always.
Just a pitiful melancholy being,
searching for a  soul,
a spirit,
that use to be,
my true self,
but I find nothing,
and have to live out a lie,
For the rest of my life.

Not knowing who stares back,
when I peer into a mirror.
Memories that almost seem stolen,
out of place,
in the opaque and mysterious corners,
inside the labyrinth that is my mind.

Thin Air

I hate everyone,
I wish they would all just disappear,
Evaporate into thin air.
I just want to be alone,
Where no one can hurt me.
Where I can do nothing else wrong.
Where I wont disappoint anyone,
Because there is no one to disappoint.
No reason to feel left out,
Because I'm all there is.
No boy to break my heart,
Because there is no one to love.
No mistakes,
Because there is nothing to mess up.

In that case,
Maybe I don't want everyone to evaporate,
Maybe I don't want them to disappear
And maybe I don't hate them....

I only hate me,
I want to disappear.
I just want to evaporate...
Into thin air.