My Silent Wish

I don't want to lie to you,
I want to tell you everything,
I want to reveal all my pain,
I want to say that everything is not okay,
I want to cry instead of laugh,
I want you to be there when everything is crashing down,
I want you to hold me and tell me its alright,
But I cant.
I cant do any of that,
And you will never be there when my world is crushing me,
When I'm suffocating slowly,
Because I know that if I reveal the truth,
I might lose you.

So I keep pretending and laughing,
And for a while,
Everything is fine,

Until the sun goes down and I'm left in the frigid night,
Alone with my tears and sorrow,

Telling myself I deserve this,
That I deserve to be alone,
That its not fair to you,
That I shouldn't burden you too.
That the last thing you need is me.
Even though I know we cant be,
I still feel the same,
So I still have shame.
And out of it I stay quiet,
Hoping one day I wont need to tell you,
That you just look at me and see,
That all I want is to be held.
That all I want is you.